i just saw an ad that was probably supposed to say accident lawyers but it said accidental lawyers and i can’t sotp laughing “just got my law degree aw man this wasn’t what i meant to do how am i gonna get out of this one”
grapes with seeds can go to hell
I DIDN’T KNOW GRAPES COULD EVEN HAVE SEEDS GODDAMIT NOW I LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR
[puts head in hands] oh god he’s so attractive
1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u
THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU
I’m pretty sure “Viva la Pluto fuck you” is the best sentence I’ve heard all week.
FACT OF THE DAY: it’s apparently not okay to raise 16,200 seagulls from birth, train them every day in the art of aerial warfare, and then unleash them upon a medium sized township
i actually really hate my job tbh I hate everyone there ughh I just wish I could quit
everyone in harry potter treated luna like she was crazy for believing in weird shit like they didn’t go to wizard high school
those songs that start in one earbud and flow into the next
*puts my bro’s dick in my hand*
see, its a metaphor. it’s only gay if i jack it